The Multi-tasker in Chief

Yup, he can multi-task with the best of ‘em. Let’s see:

April 12, 2009: Against my better judgment what with me being a secret Muslim ’n trying to install a Muslim Caliphate in America 'n all, still went ahead ‘n ordered Capt. Richard Phillips’ freed from those infernal Somali Pirates toolin’ around in that dinghy thingy (Allahu Akbar for sure, but He ain't gonna be pleased), while them Pirates vowed: "From now on, if we capture foreign ships and their respective countries try to attack us, we will kill them…(U.S. forces have) become our No. 1 enemy." Got-it...check!

May 2, 2011: Against my better judgment, what with me being a secret Muslim 'n trying to install a Muslim Caliphate in America 'n all, ordered a special “Hi There” bullet gently placed into Osama bin Laden's left eyeball (Allahu Akbar indeed, but this time, man He's really gonna be pissed). Nailed it. ü

December 18, 2011: End War in Iraq.  Made it happen. ü

Meanwhile: Bunch of folks yammering away about how I'm a godless, Muslim (have you heard, trying to install a Muslim Caliphate in America?), but at least not their kind of Christian, Kenyan, fake birth certificate, racist, hates blacks—no, hates whites, no—oh crap, hates everyone ‘cause he just doesn’t look like us, ‘sept a-course them illegals, Commie, Nazi, Socialist, Fascist, wannabe King, Fuhrer, Dictator, illegitimate, useless, gay lover-even though a number of the gays were pretty ticked that it took him so long to end DADT, lover of abortions—one in every pot don’t ya’know, gun taker-away’er (even ‘tho never introduced any gun legislation), stooge of Wall Street (even ‘tho they’re giving mightily to that other guy), at the very least, a Welfare—no Food Stamp King, dangerous to America—caused the recession…well, maybe didn’t cause it, but…yeah, at least made it worse before it got better, Bank bailout—well, maybe not the banks but those freakin' god-damned auto workers, terror President and all kind's-a nasty, groovy stuff…yeah, that's the ticket! Yup got that stuff too. ü

Jan 16, 2012: Receive daily briefing advising that one of the hostage's health is rapidly deteriorating—order rescue plan.  Needed to. ü

Jan 21: Briefing on plan.  Done. ü

Jan 23: Against my better judgment what with me being a secret Muslim 'n trying to install a Muslim Caliphate in America 'n all, authorize rescue.  Yup. ü

Jan 24: Monitor execution (of the plan, everything else is well, you know).  Sure. ü

Jan 24: Receive word of successful rescue (9 kidnappers killed, certainly ain't building up no points for that whole 72 virgins thing). ü

Jan 24: State of the Union (don't forget to give Gabby Giffords a big bear hug—she’s such a sweetie and do not forget to thank Panetta 'n his boys).  Absolutely. ü

Jan 24: Call hostage's father.  Best part of the job. ü

Jan 24: What else? Oh, that's right—listen to right-wrongers, loonie lefty's, 'n others tell me how I'm proof positive evidence that I'm destroying the country, ruining democracy, and making the world less safe of America.  Check—hell, double check!