HAPPY DOOMSDAY!!!
Yeah, that does seem a bit flat what with it being our collective demise 'n all (I'm guessin' Doomsday includes the entire planet?). O.K., o.k., – how's about this? Let’s go with...ahhhmmm...o.k., let's try this little ditty (using my best Tom Waits voice)…
♫♪♫ Happy Doomsday to You♪♫♫♪
♫♪♫ Happy Doomsday to You♪♫♫♪
♪♫ Happy Doomsdaaay Dear Heathens♪♫♫♪♫
♫♪♫ Haaappy Doooomsdaaaay tooo YOOOU!!!! ♪♫♪♪♫
(and many more?)
Yup, that’s right…today's the end of the world☺ Ta-DA!!! And...ummm...I do hope you're enjoying it and that it's everything you hoped it would be? Recall that it was our dear friend Brother Harold Camping who was keen to remind us how, “...we must realize that October 21, 2011 will be the final day of this earth’s existence.”
(see: http://www.familyradio.com/graphical/literature/waat/almost_ch03.html).
*•♪ღ♪*•.¸¸¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪*•..•*•♪ღ♪•*
♪ღ♪ ░H░A░P░P░Y░♪░D░O░O░M░S░D░A░Y░!░♪ღ♪
*•♪ღ♪*•.¸¸¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪*•..•*•♪ღ♪•*
Remember it was Brother Camping who predicted that May 21st was the day when those few, those happy few, that pre-elected Band of Brothers were gonna be Raptured away to their eternal reward (up a-course cause ya know's, ain't none of them EE-lec-Ted's a-goin' down, no siree Bob 'cause they'uns be the most excellent, most super-special, secret squirrel holier above all other holier pre-selecteds, EE-lec-Ted's) leaving only those slovenly heathens such as myself (and you, if’n you be readin’ this), to wallow in our own brand of filthy, smelly evilness – which would of course usher in a five-month period that would certainly end in the Zombie Apocalypse as verily, the dead will surely rise (See Revelation 20:13, “And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and Death and Hell gave up the dead which were in them; and then Isaiah 26:19, “Your dead will live; their bodies will rise”)? In reality however and apparently after getting cold feet, May's much ballyhooed Rapture apparently was Rapture-less. Harold was keen to clarify that indeed the Rapture did however happen - we just didn't get the tickets to see the movie. See, “it was not a Judgment Day that was visible.” Rather, it was “…a spiritual Judgment Day.”
We fondly recall how Camping was nearly called home -- but for some odd reason, it was not on the day of the Rapture? Rather it was nearly three-weeks after the “Spiritual Rapture” when Camping suffered what can only be described as a divinely-inspired cerebral infarction (that’s a stroke). Fortunately, the Good Lord decided Camping was far too special to drag (down) to his eternal reward...just yet. He apparently saved Camping from certain demise in order to allow him to continue to minister to us unclean sinners. As a result and in true martyr fashion, dear Brother Camping continues to perform his Godly calling asking for money to allow him to ask for more money, to allow him to ask for more money and yet more money, to continue his warning to us about our impending damnation. Yes naysayers and unclean heathens, verily I say unto thee, not only is the End Nigh -- it's freakin' here! Doomsday is today!Crap, and I got a thing I gotta go square away. Well, at least Doomsday should be today. But then again, maybe not. If notm then rest assured...sometime soon, real soon. Brother Harold sezs that if not today, then "…probably within the next month” or so.
Traffic on the way to work was exceptionally light this morning so naturally today must indeed be the End of the World. To my family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, random strangers, and even annoying passengers on the train, here’s hoping you have a great End-of-the-World and an even better eternity burning in Hell☺
Here's something that'll certainly lift your spirits and seems quaintly appropriate on this most final of all last days. It's Tom Wait's Calvinistic masterpiece, Misery is the River of the World (everybody row):
Fortunately for all of us, Camping was able to clarify that the End of the World ain’t gonna be all earthquakes, floods, fire and brimstone, and other such nastiness like we foolishly thought. Camping tells us that this go-around, “…there will be no pain suffered by anyone because of their rebellion against God…the end is going to come very quietly.”
Well that’s certainly a relief…
